Rescue Rangers
by Red Witch
Summary: Who rescues the rescuers? The Series Five Team that's who! Some people just shouldn't be given a badge...


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters is dangling off a cliff somewhere. Just another mad idea that ran through my mad mind. **

**Rescue Rangers**

"Okay so what exactly is this mission?" Shane asked as he piloted the Ranger One. "Walsh didn't exactly give us the details."

"Yes Captain, tell us," Doc asked. "What insane bizarre alien do we get to fight this time?"

"We're not fighting any alien," Zach told his team. "This is a rescue mission. A ship crash landed on the planet Floko by accident."

"I thought that planet was abandoned because it was such a failure as a colony world?" Doc asked.

"It is for the most part," Zach sighed. "However there's still a handful of stubborn homesteaders that wouldn't leave and a crew of scientists there to do some final studies on the ecosystem. Well the scientists at Floko were supposed to be picked up but their ship's engine got flooded."

"They couldn't fix it?" Shane was puzzled.

"No it was really flooded," Zach explained. "As in another flood happened and the ship is now thirty feet underwater. The scientists managed to make their way to an abandoned building rooftop to await extrication."

"So we're rescuing the scientists," Niko said.

"No, not exactly," Zach sighed. "You see Walsh already sent out a rescue team but apparently there was some kind of problem and the uh, ship crashed. However there was a cargo ship in the area that managed to rescue the scientists and they're safe. But the ranger ship and it's crew are still on the planet."

"Wait, we're here to rescue the **rescue team?"** Shane did a double take. "What kind of morons are these?"

"Oh you are gonna love the answer," Doc snickered. "If it is what I **think **it is!"

"It isn't?" Niko guessed it.

"It is," Zach sighed. "The Series 5.2 Rangers."

"You mean those new but not so improved idiots the Board of Leaders intended to replace us with?" Shane was snickering. "Oh this should be good. This is what? The second or **third **time we've had to rescue their butts?"

"Here's another fun fact," Doc grinned. "They've also had the highest failure rate of all the Galaxy Ranger Teams! I've seen better records on Series Two Rangers!"

"That's because they can't get their act together and work as a team," Zach growled. "Come on, we'd better save their butts. Again."

"Approaching Floko," Niko said. "I have their tracking signal."

"Boy they're really stuck in that swamp aren't they?" Doc read the instruments.

"This is Ranger One calling Ranger Seven," Zach contacted the other ship. "Come in Ranger Seven."

"I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU MORONS!" Captain Ares' voice was heard. Then the screen came on. It showed the other Rangers glaring at each other.

"Do not blame **us **for Green's lousy flying!" Ranger Glenn Sanders, the computer expert shouted.

"I had a strong empathic connection with the planet!" Ranger Doreen Green, the empath shouted.

"More like a love connection that does **not **exist!" Ranger Katya Romanevski, the martial arts expert snapped. "You think no one knows how you keep looking at Ranger Dumas when you should be looking at where you are flying?"

"You nearly whacked into that asteroid back there!" Captain Ares shouted. "Besides you weren't exactly any better!"

"What does **that **mean?" Sanders snapped.

"It means that my so called computer expert and my so called team mates couldn't pilot a ship even if it was two inches tall and fit in your hand!" Ares shouted.

"Are you calling us incompetent?" Ranger Troy Dumas, the psychic shouted. "It is not my fault that certain people can't take the hint and focus on their jobs!"

"And what does **that** mean?" Doreen yelled.

"It means he hates your guts," Sanders said. "Doreen you couldn't be any more obvious if you held up a sign saying 'Take Me Troy! I'm Yours!'"

"Maybe if the blonde bimbo wasn't drooling over Dumas like a love struck teenager…" Katya began.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BIMBO YOU RUSSIAN…PERSON YOU!" Doreen shouted.

"Oh that's very good! Such wit you have!" Katya sneered.

"Don't push me, Kate!" Doreen snapped.

"Don't call me **Kate!"** Katya snarled.

"This is better than a soap opera," Doc grinned.

"You are recording this right?" Shane asked casually.

"What do you think?" Doc grinned. "For uh…assessment purposes only."

"Riiigggght," Zach rolled his eyes and drawled. "Captain Ares…"

"You think just because you bat your eyes and shake your little caboose any man will throw himself at you!" Katya yelled.

"Glenn certainly did," Doreen purred.

**"Glenn?"** Troy and Ares said at the same time.

"Uh…" Sanders coughed nervously.

"Of course nothing happened," Doreen purred. "I'm more interested in a man who's more…compatible."

"Who?" Katya snapped. "The king of Mattress World?"

"That's it you…." Doreen screamed as she charged Katya. She screamed again as Katya grabbed her and began hitting her. "OW! OW! OW!"

"Oh yeah **that **was smart," Troy drawled. "You picking a fight with the martial artist."

"I think I've just figured out **why** they weren't picked up along with the rest of the people," Niko blinked.

"Excuse me down there," Zach grunted. "Is **anyone** paying attention to what I'm saying?"

"So uh you and Doreen?" Troy was heard over the screaming.

"Not really," Glenn admitted. "She didn't go for me."

"She went for me," Ares smirked.

"Apparently not…" Zach sighed.

"What?" Sanders yelled.

"Women like power! Something you'll never have!" Ares snapped at Sanders.

"Why you…" Sanders growled.

"Go ahead and hit me, Sanders! I won't say anything!" Ares sneered. "Go ahead! Have a free shot! Not like I can't beat a wimp like you anyway!"

"Wanna bet?" Sanders hit Ares with more power than was expected, knocking him down then jumping on him.

"This is ridiculous!" Troy snorted as his team mates fought each other. "I'm going into the cargo bay! I've got a headache!"

"AAAH! OW! LET GO MY HAIR! OW! OW! OW!" Doreen squealed as Katya pounded her head on the wall.

"A wimp huh? This **wimp** graduated in the top **five percent** of self defense class at Miss Abercrombie's Charm School!" Sanders yelled as he put Ares in a headlock.

"These guys are our replacements huh?" Shane shook his head. "Interesting choice."

"To say these guys need to work on their teamwork is the understatement of the year," Doc quipped. "Unless of course it's for tag team wrestling."


End file.
